It's fascinating how often leaders use the word “but” to the point where it almost becomes a comma.
- “This was a great report, but…”
- “I'm really happy with the quarterly results, but…”
- “I'm really excited about this new initiative, but…”We've probably heard by now that when we use the word, “but” it erases pretty much everything that we've heard prior.
“But” also really affects our team members’ emotions because it tells them at a subtle level “I don't mean anything that I just said” and over time that can erode trust.
What is much more effective than “but” is “and.”
You can even use this in contexts like, “I love you, *and* I'm really mad at you” or “I'm very happy with the quarterly results, *and* I want them to be better next quarter.”
When we use the word and we're building and lifting as opposed to stopping and denying.
By taking a moment to reflect on how we are communicating and how we might be unintentionally damaging rapport with our team members through a simple word like, “but” we can enhance our rapport with our team members and motivate them to higher levels of success.
The simplest way of understanding how to adjust our phraseology is to first of all start tracking. Charles Duhigg in The Power of Habit talked about simply keeping track of a negative habit will actually raise our awareness and start the process of us adjusting to a new behaviour. To discover how often you say “but” start tracking it on a sheet or your phone. I'm not suggesting you put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it every time you say “but” - that does work for some people, not for me. Even if you only track over time you’ll start replacing “but” with “and.”
Just like using “what prompted” instead of “why” doesn’t mean we should stop using “why” entirely there are contexts where “but” fits. There aren’t many so use “and” instead and have more effective human-to-human interactions professionally and personally.
Until next time… go lead.
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